Are you feeling stuck and confused? Are you living for the weekend and wondering why? Are you searching for ways to figure out what to do with your life?

Most of us have asked this question at some point in our lives. If you click on this article, you are probably in that phase too. First of all, this is my personal experience, thoughts, and insights from experts because I’m still in my twenties and doing my best to live my life.

Also, there are billions of unique lives in this world. Each of us has a different life experience, goals, and outlook.

Another question is whether it is even possible to figure out life.

Why are we trying to figure out life?

I haven’t been asking this question all my life. I guess even to ask this question ourselves, we need some clarity.

According to American psychologist Abraham Maslow,

“What a man can be, he must be”

Maslow’s quote refers to self-actualization, the highest level or stage in his hierarchy of needs.

Self-actualization refers to the highest-order motivations which drive us to realize our true potential. Maslow’s hierarchy reflects a linear pattern of growth.

The pyramid represents the growth of an individual toward fulfillment and figuring out meaning in life.

In my case, my goals and outlook on life changed drastically over the years. I chose engineering in college to get a job as quickly as possible. I was an excellent student in everything, so I didn’t give it much thought. Then, I did my masters in computer science and got my first job as a Data Scientist in a Multinational company’s research department. Married my best friend. Life was amazing.

Then, I reached this state where most of my basic needs and psychological needs were met. I started asking myself, is this what I want to do? Does this align with my values? Is this sustainable?

I guess this is what happens to a lot of people. What can we do at stages like this to get some mental clarity?

Prioritize some time to think

We live in a world where distractions are everywhere. Everything overwhelms you with information overload, from the apps on our phones to carefully designed social media that can trap you for hours. It’s hard to stay still and think.

“An unexamined life is not worth living” – Socrates

I remember listening to one of Naval Ravikant’s podcasts, and he was saying he finds time to sit still for 60 minutes every day, and it gives him clarity towards the end of it. Naval says,

“Specific knowledge is found by pursuing your genuine curiosity and passion rather than whatever is hot rightnow.”

I think people are getting some time to think about their priorities since the pandemic.

While we got locked inside our houses, it all came down to our relationships, health, and work, leading to the great resignation. Taking some time to reflect can bring radical changes.

Question Everything

From childhood itself, we have been taught not to question everything. Childhood experiences heavily influence one’s life. The great Greek philosopher Aristotle once said,

Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.

We have to explicitly reflect and question why we are doing what we are doing to break the program.

In my case, I did many things out of fear and not based on my skills and interests. I always knew that I would be satisfied with a creative job like designing or writing. But I chose Engineering after high school because that is the best way to get a job fast.

Another mistake was that I was comparing myself with others. I was scoring high marks in exams, but I didn’t enjoy anything about the subject. In the book How to Design Your Life, the authors mention the idea of dysfunctional beliefs. One example is “If you are successful, you will be happy,” which is not true.

It took me some time to reach a point where I started asking myself whether I could do this for the next 10 to 20 years.

So, for each step you take, ask why.

Write everything down

This has helped me greatly. I don’t journal consistently, even if I want to. It’s a habit I’m trying to build. But writing down your thoughts will give you clarity about a lot of things.

Many journals are available online with multiple sections and thought-provoking questions, but my favorite is a plain journal. Recently, I used Notion to scribble my thoughts.

Reflect on the past

This is very helpful while figuring out what to pursue. There is this idea of 11 various abilities, and all of us are good at some.

Here, the ability is considered as,

• Something that we have a natural ability to do and
• Something that we already excel at least on an average level

Watch this video for a detailed explanation.

The key point is to expose yourselves to different things and see how you enjoy the task.

Past projects

Think about all of your projects so far. Figure out the tasks you enjoyed the most and see if there is a pattern. According to self-determination theory, people need,

• Autonomy: How much creative autonomy do we get?
• Relatedness: Can we connect with co-workers?
• Competence: Are we good at what we do?

to achieve psychological growth. Thomas Frank, in his video, explains how this is valid for the work that we do.

We might not notice it, but there could be common factors and patterns in our past experiences.

Reflect on your past experiences and projects

Try things out rather than imagining them in your head.

This is very important because we don’t think about the nitty-gritty of the tasks when we imagine them. When I decided to become a software engineer, the FBI hacker who can track the killer with a few lines of code seemed cool, but the reality is so different. You might have to fry your brain thinking about fixing dependency issues in Python without getting sunlight for long hours.

When we imagine things in our head mostly, it’s like stories on Instagram. It’s a highlight reel.

Behavior Scientist Dr. Grace Lordan says to ask about the daily tasks in an interview rather than the values and goals of the company. According to her, the impact of the company we work for does matter, but what gives us satisfaction is the small tasks we do.

Listen to the full conversation between Dr. Grace Lordan and Ali Abdaal on Deep dive with Ali Abdaal podcast.

Just think about what your ideal day is and examine what is different and how you can reach there.

Tools and techniques

If you are still confused, don’t worry. There are a few techniques you can use. This technique is based on Ali Abdaal’s video on how to figure out what to do with life.

The gravestone technique

In this technique, you have to think about three things you want to be written on your gravestone. For example, he wants to be “A good teacher, good husband, and good father.”

This technique might help you identify your values and priorities in life.

The Odyssey technique

This is originally from the book Designing Your Life. I got it from Ali Abdaal’s video.

Anyway, this is what you have to do.

• Write down a day in your life, 5 years from now, if you follow the current path.
• Then write down your day, 5 years from now, if you took a different path.
• Again, write down a day in your life if money and social status were not in the equation.

This will give you an idea about your path.

I think as we grow, our ideal day will change. It’s important to be open-minded and accept that.

The ideal ordinary week

This is a similar technique to the Odyssey technique. Take your Google calendar, notion or paper, whatever you use, and schedule your ideal week. Then ask yourself what is stopping you now.

One thing I have to add is that when you think about your ideal day or week, schedule everything and not just the highlight.

Figure out the things you love doing and schedule some space for them. In my case, I love cooking. Even if I can afford not to cook, I love the process of cooking. It’s my time to listen to a podcast, audiobook, or think.

The bottom line

Even though we have all these books and techniques, no one has figured out life completely. Do things that make you feel alive and keep you engaged. After all, life is meant to be experienced. In a conversation between Ali Abdaal and Vee Kativhu, she says,

“What is that thing that you can’t get off your mind…or anytime you have chance to do free things, you’re researching it, like you just can’t stay away from it. What is that thing? That thing has something in you that is driving you…” – Vee Kativhu

Take your time, follow your curiosities, and figure out that thing. If you want to read about my personal experience in life design, check out my blog post about why I planned a gap in my career.